Current Affairs - April 2011

I’m tired of hearing about the Royal Wedding. Honestly. I understand its lovely for the happy couple but for the normal women out here who are recently dumped its just irritating.  I’m in a bad mood in general this evening. I’m trying to sell my flat.  The Estate Agent calls me this Afternoon and tells me to drop the keys off. When I tell him I can get to the office before they close he suggests I put them through the letter box of the door in the shop front.

Sounds simple in theory. When I get to the high street there is a gang of youths hanging out in front of Kentucky Fried Chicken which is next door to the Estate Agent. Sitting on a bench at the bus stop are three old ladies chatting up an old man by offering tips about playing Bingo. They all eyeball me as I go up to the Estate Agent and fling my keys in an envelope through the letterbox. I start to walk away and then freak out. What if someone gets the envelope and follows me home and then knows where I live and they have the keys?

I retreat back and put my arm through the letter box and try and grab the envelope back out. This involves laying flat on my stomach amongst discarded chewing gum and poking my arm through the letter box fishing about wildly trying to grab the envelope which I can only graze tantalisingly with my fingers. I can feel the group of youths watching me interestedly and hear the group of pensioners making remarks about "The Peculiar Girl on the pavement". Eventually after about 5 minutes the old man from the bus stop comes over and pokes me in the ribs with his walking stick. "Here love use this" he says.. It works! Chivalry isn’t dead. I hook the envelope amid cheers from my audience and shamefaced I scuttle off clutching it to my chest. Now I have to go to the post office and mail the damn things tomorrow. Should have just left them there!